Roaches
It’s hard for me to write this. I think I have a roach problem. They’re not crawling all over the place or anything, in fact I’ve only seen two since I moved in on May 12th. But in a way, this is worse. It seems like they only come out every once in a while just to instill the fear in me that they exist.
I saw the first cockroach the day after I moved in. My stuff was still unpacked, and was scattered all over the place. It was early in the morning and I was laying on my bed when I saw an enormous roach scurrying across the floor. I froze. Terrified, I watched it crawl under my refrigerator. I put my head back in defeat. I had moved into a cockroach infested apartment. I couldn’t help but imagine a huge colony of insects running around behind my kitchen appliances, plotting how they were going to crawl into my mouth while I slept. I was still thinking about this when the cockroach reemerged and slowly crawled toward my nightstand. I leapt up, I got a huge roll of paper towels and I silently crept toward the bug. It was so big, and I really didn’t want to have to feel it crush in my hands, so I decided to try to trap it in the paper towel and throw it out the window. That didn’t work. The cockroach freaked out, I freaked out, I had to kill it. I didn’t want to. It just happened.
At first I was sure that there were tons of cockroach witnesses. Who saw me kill their brother or their friend or whoever he was. I felt like they were plotting revenge. Every night I got home I was scared to turn on the lights because I thought I’d just see my floor covered in cockroaches. Opening closets was hard to do without bracing myself. But eventually I started to rationalize, that cockroach must have come into my apartment by accident. That’s why he crossed the floor in broad daylight, that’s why he didn’t stay behind the fridge, that’s why he got so scared when I tried to help him. I finally started feeling comfortable in my place. After almost 2 months, I was confident. Then there was yesterday.
The cockroach I saw yesterday wasn’t any bigger than the first one. But he was on the toilet seat. To me, thinking that cockroaches are coming out of my toilet is pretty much the worst thing that can happen. I killed this one without mercy, I flushed the toilet and pushed him in. I did feel bad, but I’m operating out of fear, not moral code. So now I’m stuck. Do I get roach traps? I’m afraid that will just attract more. Do I call my landlord? I bet he’d set set up traps. Do I start sleeping with protective netting? Where do they sell that?
In a way this whole thing makes me feel like a true New Yorker. Not just because of this problem so many of us share. But because I know that this means I have to harden as a person. I’m a 6 foot tall human being. And even the biggest cockroach I’ve seen isn’t more than a few inches long. I am smarter. I am faster. I have paper towels. I have a toilet that I can flush. I don’t necessarily want to say “Bring it on.” But if these cockroaches want to keep showing up one at a time every other month. I’m ready.
i’m really glad you’re tumbling more text posts!
1 month ago